My mood, having spent the last week swinging wildly between anger, normalcy, misery and cheery, has now settled on miserable.
I'm not eating or drinking well, I keep getting intermittent pains all over and I find my thoughts drifting to terrifying places. I honestly think I'm a danger to myself as things stand.
I can't concentrate on my revision properly, and I can't enjoy much of anything. For instance, I spent most of today sitting alone quietly, just thinking about all the bad things in my life.
In fact, I'm spending the majority of my time alone. I'm about the only person who would isolate themselves when they're feeling bitterly lonely. But what's one more screw-up when I have a pile of dozens.
I don't know what to do, or what I want, or what is left for me.
Hell, I've forgotten most of what I was intending to write here.
So I'll just close with a few lyrics from the one artist who can move me more than anything else in this world.
"Something more than these old boots brought me here,
So these boots can't take me away,
A thousand miles from the camera I chased,
Hope is a sadness, not a place"
2008-04-27 @ 00:43